she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I cockslap morals
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
