Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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