I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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