Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
