So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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