maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
