I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
