two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
