i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize