it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
