Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
