I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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