Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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