did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
