grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
