am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I came so hard my ears popped.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
