i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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