If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
