I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
