I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just had sex bonerless
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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