Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
