3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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