matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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