his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
