do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize