More tranny stories later!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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