we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
