Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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