I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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