I can text with my tongue
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
be right there i have to get my cape
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
