Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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