Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
