So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize