the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
