Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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(949): View more from California

the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach

(1-949): View more from California

um or while having sex on a train

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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(720): View more from Colorado

What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to

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(315): View more from New York

Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.

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(613): View more from Ontario

ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.

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