my vag is so smooth its legendary
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
