those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
