we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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