Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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