One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
