69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He did a backflip because drugs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
