what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
