I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
