Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
