are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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