so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
