I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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