Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
