I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
