just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
