i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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