Nicole vs. Life
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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