It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
two words...techno handjob
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
