So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
