So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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