i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
