Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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