i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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