My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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