just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had sex on a roof
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
