You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
