She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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