here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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