At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
