Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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