he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
