You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
