at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
