I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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