What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize