Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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