Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
