Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
