you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
