can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
