Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
