Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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