I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
