yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
