Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize