Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
