Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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